The interesting thing about life is change, eventhough the transitions might be difficult from time to time. (Albert Einstein)
I am working on the first texts for the blog and – surprise – I find myself on the way to the fridge, multiple times. All the knowledge about stress-eating and how to eat correctly – infront of the fridge everything is suddenly gone. Like a maelstrom, my rational thinking is taken away from me and the fridge door opens. Magically, automatically. Today's content of the refrigerator is not as appealing as expected....the door closes again. (Obviously this does not stop me from checking the fridge again later on, because maybe, just maybe, I have missed something snack-worthy earlier on). I return to my computer with an empty stomach, which tears at my guts, and realize: this blog is not only about me, but it is also for me; to help me on my way to a balanced life.
This is me. I am 51 years old, 1,65cm high and 55kg heavy. This is me after 9 months in my self-experiment of maintaining my weight. This is me, at a point where my resume is pretty ambivalent. Just in that moment, when I finally thought - I made it! Self-experiment successful! - I gained two kilos out of nowhere. Just like that. And eventhough I still feel comfortable in my skin, maybe even better than with 2 kilos less; I can't help but wonder whether this means that my self-experiment failed. How shall it go on? Has the primal fear of gaining weight uncontrollably, snuck back into my head? Two kilos. From time to time they can mean the world. But that's not how it is supposed to be, not anymore. Two kilos are two kilos. And so I start my journey of self-discovery once again: What are the two kilos trying to tell me ?
The number '2' has already, once before, played a fatal role in my in my life. In a period, when I prepared for my second juridical state examination, I wanted to do something good for my body and my mind. Unfortunately I confused this with a diet, which became independent in a two-kilos-rhythm. Two kilo buffers were the magical strategy, a buffer of two kilos defied another buffer of two kilos. The next two cushioned the former ones....and a diet turned into anorexia nervosa, which then turned into bulimia nervosa.
The only thing that eventually helped me to recover, was the decision to consciously want to get out of this cycle. A self-help group and writing were a valuable support for me. Today I work, in addition to my juridical occupation, as a systematic consultant and coach in Germering (Munich). I work with 'recovered' patients, patients who were formerly eating-disordered. Our work starts when therapy ends, because I myself know all too well that once therapy, or the diet, has been concluded, life does not suddenly continue to be great on its own. Most of the time unfortunately the opposite is the case. The connection to your inner self gets lost in the humdrum life.
To me, weight problems mean that your inner needs were forgotten and mindfulness was only a lower priority, however I certainly do not want to generalize, because it always depends on the individual case.
So as you might have noticed, this is a matter very close to my heart. With my experiences, I want to offer support and help, regarding all questions about weight and health, no matter which shape or form they take. To me the manner in which I eat, especially what and when, is like a compass, guiding the way towards a right and healthy way of living, a mode of life, where I can be truly myself.